Spaces

 

The terraces of buildings 

Take me slightly closer to the heavens 

Nothing between the skies and me

It stirs up

Feelings of being free, unrestrained, 

Unlimited airy possibilities everywhere

Freedom, a giddy happiness and the slightly scary feeling of wanting to never leave.


Open gardens and courtyards, 

Clean, minimal, well-manicured

With neat plants having sensible, predictable patterns to grow in

A small water pond

Lined with snow-white pebbles

Holding only goldfish

Straight, neat shadows formed by the walls of white buildings

Falling over the ground to cool it down 

Make me feel welcome

Give me a minty clean sense of calm

Zen

Peace

Control.


Rooms with gigantic, intimidating glass windows everywhere, 

Open to let sunshine flood the place

Bright, warm cascade of sunlight washing over everything in the room

Make me feel hot, but still at ease

Fresh, like a tall, chilled lemonade 

Relaxed

Comforted

Rejuvenated.


Smaller, darker rooms 

Closed and dingy

Mean fear, panic...

Depressing downward spiral

Of a dull soulful yearning for something unknown 

And also a quick spinning kind of panic

Like a collar that's worn too tight around my neck

An urgent need to escape 

To run and to never return. 


Large, bare, empty hallways

Put fear in me

I stop to reflect

And I soon see that it's 

The looming cloud of fear and uncertainty of being alone.

The uncertainty that comes from large bare rooms, 

With not a single piece of furniture 

Nothing that gives away a hint of what is coming next

And nobody in sight.

The overwhelming fear is crippling me. 


I look at spaces and all the feelings 

They stir up.

And I wonder...

Is it just me?


©️ Rebecca Manari 

7-1-2021

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