Christmas is coming and the season takes me way back
To childhood family get togethers, carols, and Santa's big ol' sack
The majestic gingerbread houses we designed together.
And that oh-so perfect hot chocolaty weather!
Yule logs, and fires brought a special kind of mood
All I wanna do is create the same for my brood.
With the sweets, treats and bakes- I do fine, I even throw in some fancy rolls
But my heart breaks when the kid wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole
And when she writes Santa’s letters it’s different somehow.
It took ages, was a mess, and ended with crying and a howl!
The gingerbread house we decorated together
Looked like a house of horrors or a ship caught in bad weather.
At her Grandma’s house I hoped it would all get better.
After the tantrums at home over the treats and Santa’s letter!
When we wished our cousins, I was a nervous wreck,
Was her fidget toy in her backpack?... I had forgotten to check
She fussed and she whined and even broke a glass or two
And she doesn't say Merry Christmas to Grandpa when we want her to.
When it was time to open presents, I was blindsided.
Some relatives hadn’t stuck to the wishlist I had provided!
It’s safe to assume that what happened next,
Made me embarrassed, humiliated and so perplexed.
I wondered if I’ve done Christmas right.
My own Mom’s Christmasses were truly merry and bright!
Where did I go wrong? Why do I fail?
Where’s my winter wonderland… I need a cocktail!
And when Christmas was over, and the house was quiet
I fell into an armchair, feeling alone, and so tired.
After the house was clean and every last greasy dish washed
Poured myself a treat, a chilled drink of squash.
I went to her room to kiss her goodnight
After a Christmas full of temper tantrums, meltdowns and fights
In her sticky hand she clutched a candy cane.
And on her face, although grubby and tear-stained,
I saw the happiest glow and a smile.
Where had I seen that smile before?
Yes! it was my own face, in old photographs
My childhood Christmas pictures all those decades ago…
And as I gave her sticky cheek a kiss goodnight,
I’ve just knew I've done something right...
I’ve tried.
©️ Marietta Rebecca 2023
25.12.2023
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